The Hindsight Notes: Frenemies

25 Mar

The Hindsight Notes is a recurring section created for all you readers wanting to participate in THL, but lacking time to write a full letter. Each Note is composed of a question. All you need to do is answer it, in the form of a comment (below).

This week’s topic is: Frenemies.

They’re your friend to your face. But behind your back, Ooooh, girl. They ain’t so nice. Everybody’s had one. That person that pretends to have your best interests at heart, but does everything in their power to sabotage your happiness.

Maybe you always suspected it. Or maybe it came as a huge surprise. Either way, we want to know all about your teenaged Frenemy. Who were they? Why were they your friend? What made them simultaneously your enemy?

As always, I’ll start us out:


If you liked this post, you’ll surely love this one and this one!



11 Responses to “The Hindsight Notes: Frenemies”

  1. thehindsightletters March 25, 2011 at 6:14 am #

    I’ve had a whole lot of teenaged frenemy situations. It probably comes from the fact that I’m so naive and tend to believe that everyone is honest all the time. I’m easily wooed into believing that someone is my friend, even when it’s painfully obvious that this isn’t the case.

    I think the worst one was actually when I was 18. She was my best friend (or so I thought). More like a sister (or so I thought). We spent all our time together. We talked on the phone all the time. We went out to the Mod Club and danced up a storm and oogled the boys. We had so much fun together. We laughed uncontrollably.

    But there were definitely warning signs. Every time she would come to my house, something would go missing. My Good Will Hunting cd. My St. Germain cd. A piece of makeup. My Mother saw the trend before I did and tried to gently break it to me that my “best friend” was stealing from me. I denied it. She was my best friend! She’d never do that!

    Things began to get weirder. One time, she asked me to meet her at her retail job during her break (I lived close by). She asked me to take her purse home with me and said that she’d pick it up later. She told me not to look inside it (which I thought was super weird all around). Since I was already beginning to smell something fishy, I opened her purse (just to get a lighter, I told myself) and found a t-shirt with the tags on, jammed at the very bottom, wrapped in a scarf. My heart was beating out of my chest. It was painfully obvious what had just happened. But I still didn’t believe it. Surely there was an explanation. But, I wanted so badly to believe the best that I didn’t even ask. I chickened out.

    The kicker was when she dropped off boxes of clothing at my house. She claimed that she had been framed. Someone accused her of stealing them and was threatening legal action. She asked me to keep the clothes safe at my house until the storm blew over. She also encouraged me to wear the clothes when we went to the nightclub where her coworkers went. I was heartbroken.

    Shortly after, she stopped answering my calls. I was devastated. I was embarrassed. I knew what had happened, but I couldn’t admit it. Not only had I lost my best frenemy, but I was waiting for the cops to arrive at my door to seize the boxes full of apparently stolen goods.

    Okay, and as if that isn’t strange enough, I continued to be so confused and hurt that I actually LOOKED HER UP on Facebook and added her as a FRIEND! Am I INSANE? Every time I see a status update from her, all I feel is rage bubbling inside, to this day. But I can’t bring myself to delete her. It’s like I’m still caught in the Frenemy cycle, nearly a decade later. WTF?!!

    • whatsaysyou March 25, 2011 at 6:22 am #

      I am so sorry to read about what you went through and I want to say that you are not the only one with a bad experience with a frenemy.

  2. whatsaysyou March 25, 2011 at 6:27 am #

    Great blog post and thank you for bringing up the issue of frenemies. I too had a bad (I mean a horrific) experience with a frenemy who came in the form of a flatmate from hell a few years ago. I won’t go in the whole detail but I can testify that I was subjected to emotional torment and abuse for about a year under my roof. After seeing that she moved out, I was able to sleep in peace and liberation. That is not all, I have no contact with her whatsoever but a few friends of mine have done some digging some dirt on her to find out that I was and will never be the only or first and last victim she picked on (in fact her frenemy antics somehow can be dated all the way back to her time as a primary and high school student and her frenemy behaviour).

    • thehindsightletters March 25, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

      Thanks for sharing your story! Isn’t it always the way that these frenemies wind up having a track record! I always feel like I must be the “only one” they’ve done it to, or that it was all somehow due to something I did. Turns out they’re just jerks. 🙂

  3. 2blu2btru March 25, 2011 at 6:46 am #

    My frenemy was a girl I met in middle school, Asia. She was my friend because she was more popular than I was, but I was smarter. 🙂 She asked me to come up with content for her letters to potential boyfriends or boyfriends. I wrote poetry as well, so that added to the benefit for her. In exchange, she came with a well-established group of friends.

    What made her a frenemy was that she was vindictive when it came to boys. If a boy she liked even spoke to me she was on the war path. She would try to crush my self-esteem by saying things like “none of the boys you like even know you exist” or “no one likes you.” It was like she was always in a competition with me for popularity and boys.

    Later, she attempted to compete with me in writing. She wrote a huge 200+ page play with all of us in it. She sabotaged my attempts to do anything independent of her, spread lies about me, pretended she didn’t know me at awkward moments (like when I needed her to vouch for me), and said she would help me with things and wouldn’t come through.

    Asia and another friend were supposed to sing backup for me in a talent show we had. I have no rhythm and can’t dance, so my backup singers were to provide the choreography as well as the harmony. No one wants to see a stiff girl on stage scared stiff, no matter how well she sings. Of course, neither girl showed up to a rehearsal, although they swore they would be there for the show. They were there, all right–in the audience. The one time I really needed her to be there, she let me down. If I’d known she wasn’t going to do it, I could have asked someone else, but she deliberately hung me out there to bomb.

    I’ve known a lot of girls that could be classified as frenemies, but Asia is the only one I didn’t know was a frenemy beforehand–I thought she was a friend. When I graduated from middle school, we went our separate ways. Thank goodness, I learned from that experience!

    • thehindsightletters March 25, 2011 at 9:08 pm #

      Ugh! What a story! The talent competition situation is pretty low. It continues to amaze me how people can be so cruel to each other, especially when they’re pretending to be a friend.

      Asia, if you’re out there, please know that you have officially been entered in the HL Frenemy Hall of Fame. *salutes with a less-than-savoury hand gesture*

  4. briannagoldberg March 25, 2011 at 7:12 am #

    Unfortunately, I think most (if not all) of my frenemy experiences have been in my adult life…

    I kind of wish they had been when I was a teenager, because then I could just brush them off as people being flakey and super-charged with hormones and cultural expectations and sexual frustration.

    But adult frenemies are the WORST because you can’t help but take their barbs uber-personally.

    Especially in the media industry, where knowing people and networking is so important, keeping a keen eye for frenemy warning signs is just part of the game. My least favourite part. Bleh!

    • thehindsightletters March 25, 2011 at 9:10 pm #

      Don’t you dare take their barbs “uber-personally”! Frenemies are bad people that need to make other people feel worse to make themselves feel better. I “fart in their general direction”.

  5. magnolia March 25, 2011 at 10:51 am #

    in high school, my best friend’s girlfriend (and i set them up) snapped. she slept with about every guy in our hometown while my friend was at his dad’s in another state. the reason they broke up is because i called him, all the way across the country, and told him specifically what happened. he dumped her; she flipped on me. that’s probably the closest ever.

    now that we’re 30, we’ve repaired the relationship. we’re actually better friends than we were in high school. she was one of the few people who was genuinely happy when i took up with my boyfriend now, who’s another one of her ex-boyfriends from high school.

    time sometimes heals all wounds.

    • thehindsightletters March 25, 2011 at 9:11 pm #

      That’s so awesome that you’ve been able to repair the friendship! Here I am nearly 10 years later and I’m still filled with inner rage at the thought of my Frenemy. Good for you for ending the cycle!


  1. The Biggest Link Love Post– Evah! « Indigo Moods - April 13, 2011

    […] in “A Letter to Young Sepia.” But the most lasting part of high school could be the Frenemy. Hindsight Notes recently allowed readers to share their experiences with Frenemies. How do you […]

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