Dear me at 17:
I know how the halls seem to be silent even when you can see people talking. I know how the night seems darker than black, and waves of hopelessness that crawl under your skin can feel all-consuming. I want you to know that there is light.
Stop talking to your band teacher. He is a bad man and will only hurt you. Drop out of band and take choir or drawing. You are good, worthwhile, beautiful and wanted, without a middle-aged, bleached blonde teacher to tell you so. Do not base your opinion of yourself upon what he thinks of you.
Drop your razor; you are precious. I know that hate, frustration, anger, bitterness, and confusion course through your veins and you feel as though this is the only way to release the pain. I am here to tell you that this is not the only way; that you are beautiful.
Your father loves you even though he looks upon you with empty eyes and a hateful tongue. There is pain inside of him that even he doesn’t realize.
Max, on the other hand, does not love you. You feed off each other’s pain and frustration; he will only confuse you more. I know his eyes are intoxicating and he seems to understand you, even if he does not try to help you. Forget him, you hate yourself when you are with him, and his life is empty. When you do eventually break up with him, stay strong, your peers will turn against you. But they don’t understand, they see so little, and you know who you are.
Work hard in school. You are a talented writer and can go so very far. Take your passion and use it. High school is important, so please, please, graduate! I know it seems pointless now, but it will make life so much easier if you just stick it out and graduate. I know the girls are malicious and you have no one to talk to after dumping Max, but things will get better, you know they will.
You have a great and terrible fire within you, do not forget what your heart tells you. Do not be bogged down by the pain and pettiness of the world around you. One day soon you will find a man who sees the beauty within you and tells you that he “loves you through all the oceans of the world”. How good and beautiful you are! God loves you and I love you.
Sabriel Parker is an aspiring writer, jewelry designer, and child. You can visit her blog at tallasgrass.blogspot.com to see more of her work.